Ye Olde Part One
Transcript of: [http://www.viruscomix.com/page441.html Ye Olde Quest for the Golden Chalice, Part 1] Panel 1 Off panel voice: Good morning! My friend and I are gonna need some MEGA WEAPONS 'cause we're heading down to the Unholy Bog Labyrinth to search for the legendary GOLDEN CHALICE! Off panel voice 2: It be true. Sign: Ye olde swords and shit Panel 2 Shopkeeper: But only 2 of you?? Surely know you the perils of the labyrinth?! Would not a larger group be advantageous? Sign: All sales final Panel 3 Man-wanter: Well, we asked around at the tavern but due to ye olde prejudice there were not any sturdy warriors willing to fight alongside a uterus-haver and a man-wanter. Panel 4 Shopkeeper: A shame. You would think that the success of that ring fellowship would have opened peoples minds toward YOUR kin at least! Man-wanter: Indeed. But we are quite comfortable as an unconventional dungeon party. Uterus-haver: Yeah, more golden chalice for us! Panel 5 Uterus-haver: Hey, what's this awesome thing?? I kinda LIKE it! Shopkeeper: Ah, that is a new weapon of my own devising. It is a traditional javelin on which is mounted a proprietary amalgamation of mechanism and sorcery which I have named the "viewing screen." there is a mace version also. Panel 6 Shopkeeper: Behold. The viewing screen is activated and displays "programs" likely to appeal to one's enemy – who becomes instantly distracted by it and is thus easily felled in combat. Too mesmerized he will be by the images on-screen to defend himself from the imminent impaling or bludgeoning! Uterus-haver: That's MEGA COOL!! What kind of "programs" are they? Panel 7 Shopkeeper: Oh it is all custom pro-gramming. Documentary features about helmets. Round table discussions about the merits of various helmet types. A game-show wherein wagons are raced down an 80° incline for the prize of a new helmet. And a situational comedy wherein a helmetsmith is forced under improbable circumstances to lodge with a crossbow maker – with amusing results. Have a look! Panel 8 Helmet smith: Art thou eating cereal out of mine helmet?! Crossbow maker: Before thou become enraged, ask thyself: whose turn was it to cleanse the dishes? Uterus haver: ! Panel 9 Helmet smith: Bah! Where art mine pants?! Man-wanter: Tell no-one, but he who portrays the helmetsmith is a man-wanter also. Uterus-haver: Really?! I would NOT have guessed..! Panel 10 Uterus haver: That's MEGA distracting – I LOVE it! How much?? Man-wanter: Yes, may we purchase these new and innovative items? Shopkeeper: No, my friends – these particular items are not for sale as yet. Panel 11 Shopkeeper: The potential for these weapons I feel is so great that I can not risk having them fall into sinister hands. Should the ill-intentioned and resource-full gain use of the viewing screen then entire lands could easily be subjugated – perhaps even from within. So you understand my concern. Uterus-haver: Oh, yeah – absolutely! Man-wanter: Yes, one would want to avoid that. Mouseover text: part two coming summer 2057 Image title: yeoldefuckingwhatever.jpg